blog

New Year's Resolution

  • week 9 | salvation mountain + slab city road trip | psalm 126

     

    i apologize for my tardiness. i'm playing catch up now that i skipped a week. so i'll blog again this week as these images are from last week (i'm real organized over here).

    this is a long post so bear with me. caleb and i took a day trip to salvation mountain and slab city in california last week. it's a dusty hippie city where everyone lives in trailers. i had been wanting to see salvation mountain for a while and am glad we made the trip. we also saw "East Jesus" which is an art and sculpture garden with some crazy and pretty cool stuff. so here are the pictures of all that!

    i also wanted to post this song i have been loving. i think i found it on my friend keith's spotify weekly playlist because i often like his more than my own (oops). anyways, it's psalm 126. as i was listening to it and reading the psalm last night the words were weighing heavy on my heart. to me, the psalmist is talking about waking up, going out and doing good work in the midst of heartache and weariness. as an attempt at authenticity, i want to say how much i relate to that. it's really easy to look at a bunch of pretty pictures and assume that life for someone is easy. and i'm not writing this to prove anything or that my life is so hard, rather i just wanted to share. sometimes waking up is hard. anxiety and vulnerability often make me feel naked to the world and it takes a lot of strength to go sow the seed. to do work. even if it doesn't feel like it's good and just feels like the mundane tasks of everyday life. sometimes it's just hard. but my prayer is with the psalmist that "though we are weeping, Lord, help us keep sowing the seeds of your kingdom for the day you will reap them...all those who sow weeping will call out with songs of joy." my prayer is that i and maybe some of you who "sow weeping;" who feel tired in their work because of life or illness or what have you will continue the good work, show yourself grace, and remember the Spirit who dwells in us and turns our tear soaked seeds and uses them for his Kingdom.

    here are photos of a beautiful day with someone i love.

  • week 7 | color, spring, hair, heaviness and light

    i was going to write something fluffy and eloquent about this week. but i'm not. the week was good. i just feel heavy right now so don't feel like writing some drawn out paragraph. so i'll just be honest.

    there are lots of people in my life who love me more than i deserve and soften my heart when it feels hardened by fear and bitterness and critique.

    i love colors.

    i love Spring. this week i went running with my room mate and she kept poking fun at me becuase i kept leaping and freaking out over the wildflowers blooming and all the different colored trees.

    i did a crazy workout and kick boxed for the first time with some awesome ladies.

    i cut my hair. like a lot. for the first time since like middle school. i like it

    i walked around tucson a lot

    i took entirely too many pictures of a single yellow tree. so many that i started to get dizzy from looking up.

    my boyfriend, caleb took the first picture of me. it's one of my new favorites and i feel very special that he'd watch me nerd out on trees and colorful strings of flags.

    i started reading this new book called If You Feel Too Much by the founder of one of my favorite organizations To Write Love on Her Arms. It's about heaviness and lightness and depression and coping and hope and strength. I started tearing up when i read the forward. not because it was sad but because i could feel the strength it took to make the book. the strength to accept hope and belief in the midst of the unpredicatable and often debilitating cloud of depression. and i've cried about four other times since opening it. want some truth? i was reading it in the bathroom (come on, you know you do that. we all look at our phones or read something when we're sitting on the toilet). and the chapter was especially heavy. so there i am bawling with my pants down. no joke. it's good. it's really good. it really is like the comfort of a friend. the knowledge that you're not alone in it -the heaviness and the light.

    phew. see. i already feel lighter. thanks for listening and looking. 

    enjoy week 7 :)

  • week 6 | winter park + denver, colorado

    this past week was spent with 9 others in colorado. we flew to denver and drove to a beautiful cabin in the rocky mountains to spend a few days celebrating the birthday of a dear friend of mine. we enjoyed quiet mornings lounging, communal meals, an emergency room visit, snow shoeing, laughing at all of the men falling (multiple times) in the snow, throwing stones to commemorate a certain someone passing their kidney stones, beating my boyfriend at a dance off, dancing in the kitchen and pretty much everywhere else, tubing down icy hills, lots of fires and roasting marshmallows, hot tubbing at night, squealing over corgis, good chats and happy tears. i feel really blessed by community and especially #blessed that i could spend time in such a beautiful place with really wonderful people. for me, these photos bring me the warm fuzzies from the trip. enjoy!

  • Week 4 | magic

    when people ask me how i'm doing, i usually say pretty well or good, or some variation of the two. and sometimes when i'm honest, i'll say i'm doing okay. because it's not so good and i'm feeling super anxious, and sometimes it's just okay. this week had its ups and downs. it's been a lot of mental fighting against lies and anxious thoughts in the efforts to replace them with Truth. some days i was really anxious and sometimes my heart was heavy with the Light of love. (song lyrics, i'm not that poetic). spending time in a child's magical imagination spaces, exploring the unique details of Tucson, signs of Spring, and golden light drenched afternoons make me happy though. it's hard to not look back on the week, after looking through my photos, with a good, deep sense of contentment. i'm happy. i am. okay, sorry for the rambling. here are week 4's photos. thanks for following along.